This is a letter of encouragement to anyone that is feeling stuck, like you have reached a place some like to call rock bottom. There is a way out. There was a time in my life where I valued things such as partying, drinking and going out above everything. A point in my life I was jobless, living with friends because my family didn’t support “my” selfish lifestyle I desired so bad to live.
Reflecting now back on those times and those feelings I feel truly so blessed to be where I am today.
It wasn’t all that long ago that 10PM was my pregame hour and 7AM was the time I decided to roll home anticipating to sleep all day only to wake with a gnarly hangover, just to do it all over again the next day. When I was using quarters to fill up my gas tank, and my last $20 on a bottle of jack to go out and party with my friends. Jumping from job to job with no real purpose. I promised to be completely transparent in my blogs, and this is no different. I found myself in worlds of trouble only to recover from that incident to do it all again.
In those moments I thought this was the norm this is what my 20s were about. Boy was I wrong. But in those times I never experienced real happiness there was always a void I was looking to fill whether that be with alcohol, boys, or the hottest Hollywood club at that time, partying with rappers, celebrities. It became a vicious cycle, and I became a victim of it.
Today I write this as an encouragement to the person feeling that there is a void in their life, to the person that is feeling that their life does not have a purpose. I feel a sense of sadness that I ever allowed myself to be in the situations that I was in, or treat myself with the lack of respect that I have in the past, but you truly can not change your past you can only change the person you are today.
Today I stand feeling a sense of accomplishment. When I became pregnant I thought my world was over. How was I ever going to have a social life? I was going to have to give up my “friends” and stay at home all the time with a screaming baby. I truly thought my life was over. What I didn’t realize is my life was truly beginning for the first time. All my failures suddenly made sense it just took me a little longer to find the golden brick road then it should take the average person. Oh well live and learn right?
My life now revolves around my son and he truly I say it time and time again gave my life purpose. The things that used to matter to me became almost laughable. I along the way caused my family so much hurt, and pain. My mother always used to say one day when your a mom you will understand. Well that day has come and I reflect on my choices I’ve made in life and I get it. I get why she waited up all night to hear from me, I get why she worried when I didn’t answer her calls, I get why she was so upset when I lied about where I was, I get why she was so upset with the choices I was making in my life. She knew I was destined for so much more, I just didn’t realize it yet.
I am now 28 a single mom, have a job I enjoy, can pay my bills, can put food on the table for my son, can have an open honest conversation with my family, have real true honest relationships, can look in the mirror and love the person looking back at me. I didn’t think I could ever sit and say those things. The friends that I thought were such good friends, the minute I stopped taking shots and hitting the nightlife slowly faded off. The meaningless jobs I held in the past came to their ends. I now have a stable career and see new opportunities come up every day. I have a few close friends that I would never have to worry about talking bad about me or being disloyal. My family who I took for granted for so long is now my foundation. They have stuck beside me through the darkest of days, and I now get to enjoy my brightest days with them.
To the girl, woman, mom, daughter that feels lost. Feels like their only option is to stick around those meaningless friendships, relationships. To the girl that paints her face every single night and hits those clubs to feel a void. To the girl that needs to drink to escape reality. Your life has a purpose. You are destined for so much more. Your life has meaning, you have a purpose.
That Hollywood lifestyle seems enticing, and exciting. But the truth is those celebrities will go on about their lives, those friends that you think are your good friends will stop returning your calls. Your bank account will slowly disappear. Your self worth will become non existent. There is a way out of that lifestyle.
For me it didn’t come easy. There is no one to blame but the choices I decided to make. But standing here now feeling overwhelmed by the pure happiness my life has my plea and prayer to anyone who has lead their life down a dark path, there is a light. It may be buried, deep. But I am an example that any life can be turned around, and everyone deserves to feel purpose.