What is my definition of a “Single Parent” and how do I navigate through being one.
First off Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!
I have been in a bit of a transitional season in my life explains the being MIA on Haymeg!
This is a blog that has been on my heart for awhile but has taken some time to get the pen to the page and write it. I thought there is no better timing then Mother’s Day.
If you have any idea who I am, you know that I am a single mom to my beautiful son Hayden. I am going to write from my heart and a place I hope that you will be able to connect with.
The word single mom or parent is used very loosely. There are so many variations and definitions depending on ones family. Single parent could be divorced parents co-parenting, could be one parent in the childs life, could mean being a grandparent taking on raising a child like I said the definition depends on each “Single Parents” circumstance.
I want to dive into what being a single mom is, the struggles, strengths, ups and downs that is my life.
When I use the expression single parent I mean just that. I am the only parent present in my sons life. So, in a sense I play the role of both. But I want to make it so clear that I am not the only one in Hayden’s life. My parents have stepped up in ways only parents could. They have been my soul navigation as I wonder through this journey of parenthood. So, I may be the only blood parent in Haydens life but I am not the only positive influence. Which I am forever grateful for.
Now that you have an idea of what being a single mom means in my life lets jump back in.
Funny story someone random that I haven’t encountered before messaged me on some dating app. Tinder maybe? Because I thought it was a good idea to jump on tinder to try to date for the first time since I had a baby. HAHA. And one of the second or third things this guy said to me is “When do you not have your son?” Not like it was going anywhere but it most definitely wasn’t after that question.
Dating as a single parent isn’t something I’ve tried to tackle quite yet because of reasons like that. There isn’t a time when I don’t have my son he is my soul responsibility 100% of the time. Sure there are time when I can get a sitter, or if its something I see potential I can make that one on one time, but overall my son is with me anytime I am not at work (and that includes showering and sleeping)!
I am lucky in way that my mom was a single mom, and she found her forever husband when I was 6 months old. That gives me a sense of hope that there are those guys out there willing to take on a woman with a child. (I know it is no small task) My mom got married and he is and has been my dad. I could write a book about the man he is for taking me on as his own child.
I don’t know if I am ready to date again, I don’t know if I have quite figured out how to navigate through that world yet. My standards are different now that I am my sons mom. Because my choices no longer just affect just myself they directly affect my son. I have hope I will find someone who wants to be around my son, who wants to spend time with us together. One thing is for sure when I do find someone worth crossing that bridge and exploring possibly pursuing dating it will be someone who is adding to mine AND my sons life not just to mine.
Lets jump into friends…lf you’re a single mom and I say single mom (applies to all moms) but because it is different when you don’t have that spouse and you really left with you and your baby. You know that once your baby has come 99% of the people you considered a friend are suddenly no where to be found? Funny how life works itself out. I was terrified that I would be so alone that I would have this baby and be secluded to my house with my baby. But life did its own thing; the friends that no longer served my life purpose, and positivity faded off. I slowly started to see people in my life, people surrounding me that fit my lifestyle. I surrounded myself with instead of the people I had to get a sitter to hang with to hanging with the people who accepted the fact I am a single mom and my son comes with me. I had to accept that myself. People I’ve known 10 years but now we have this journey we are both on of being a mom to be able to connect with. People I have seen on social media that have through our struggles, and being an encouragement to each other have become some of my closest friends.
The transition from young, maybe party girl, maybe nerd, reality star, whatever you define yourself as to being a mother is a JUMP. Learn to love the ride, learn to lean on those who are walking the same path in life as you. Trust me it will make you feel less crazy.
In the end life as a single mom is though. Its not easy, its frustrating to have a kid with you all the time, it is hard to balance work, friends, baby, working out, not eating like total trash and feeling sane. But one thing I can tell you is that there are moms out there feeling the same way you are!! I am one of them!! Lean on those who love you,
Stay tuned: I have it in my heart to connect those moms, those moms who need that support, need those friends, need to feel like they aren’t completely being mom shamed. There are big things coming thank you for being apart of my journey!!